Hi Bonjour. I heard you were coming to Paris to cheer on team USA during the Olympics this year. Awesome! I hope to see you at one of the many events we will be attending. Now, let me help you navigate the mean streets of The City of Lights (and Love).
First, let me disabuse you of a stereotype I hear a lot about the French – and Parisians specifically. The French are not rude; they are direct. I’ll give you an example:
You go to a restaurant in the US and the server is all smiles and bullshit, hi, welcome to … how can I help you? Then, before you even get your first bite into that hole in your face, how is everything? They do not play that shit here. Partly because they don’t need to kiss ass in hopes of getting a good tip to help pay their rent, but mostly because you’re an adult and they are there to do the job of taking your order and bring you your food. But also, the French take their time with meals, they spend that time not on their phones, but enjoying each others company. When they need something they politely get the attention of their server and ask for what they need, including the bill.
Direct, not rude.
But the biggest thing I can tell you that will make you look like an atypical American asshole (we’ve got stereotypes too) is this: start every interaction with bonjour. End every interaction with merci. Don’t worry that you don’t speak French. Wherever you go, even if the person you are addressing does not speak English, someone within earshot does and a polite bonjour will make them far more likely to intervene and help.
Carry a water bottle. There are water refilling stations everywhere in Paris – not just for the Olympics. It’s going to be hot and sticky and this city is prepared to keep you hydrated. There are also public restrooms everywhere. You can quite literally open your map app and type toilette and find them. Most are free, some cost a euro so carry a few coins in your pocket.
Also, when eating at a restaurant and you need a bathroom do not call it a bathroom or restroom. They are called toilettes (twa-let). You may have a server or host look at you like you’re a moron if you say restroom. Just say twa-let? and they will point you to where you should go.
Watch out for pick-pockets. DO NOT keep your phone in your back pocket. Also, should you take the metro, KEEP YOU METRO CARD ON YOU. They will randomly stop and check you for your metro pass. If you do not have it they will fine you 50 euros on the spot. I’ve seen it happen.
Don’t play videos on your phone without your earbuds. Nobody wants to hear that shit and they will let you know. It’s one of my favorite things about Paris.
Lastly, be intrepid. This city is magic. Talk to people in your broken French. After some mild ball busting, the French will absolutely love you for it. Parisians have a hard exterior, but in the year that I have lived here I have come to realize that they are some of the most passionate and compassionate people on the planet. They just prefer not to waste their energy on shitty people so until they know you’re a good egg they keep their guard up.
Make me proud; don’t be an asshole.
Merci.
I hope this helps.
OOh, almost forgot. The one place where tipping is expected is when you go to a show and an usher walks you to your seat. Again, keep a couple of euros in your pocket.
