Hard Hitting Political Insights

Assclowns Everywhere

A long time ago I thought I should not write about politics because, ew. But then I thought, write whatever you want, dumbass. Yes, I do in fact refer to myself as dumbass when I talk to myself. A lot. Like, a lot A LOT.

Anyway, you’ve been warned: this is a political post. Feel free to close your browser, or the app. For those a bit more intrepid…

Apparently there is an assclown convention going on in Milwaukee. According to Grindr, it’s a 1gay assclown convention. Love is love, motherfuckers.

In all honesty, I have been avoiding the news since The Orange Troglodyte™ was grazed in the ear by a guy with terrible aim last weekend. I’ve seen the jokes, laughed at more than a few of them, made a few myself. Rolled my eyes at all the morons who trot out the violence is never the answer bullshit.

Look, if violence was never the answer the United States would still be a fucking colony. But more than that, violence is not just bullets or missiles or WMDs. Violence is throwing someone in jail for being guilty of having no home. Violence is forcing a child to starve because fuck giving kids a school lunch. Violence is having to bury your child because your insurance company decided, nah.

Get the fuck out of here with that violence is never the answer bullshit. I would posit that sometimes violence is the only answer.

Anyway, at the assclown convention a Vice President was anointed. JD Vance. King of the Hillybilly Association of Assclowns. Seeing his wife – a brown-skinned child of immigrants – get up and do the dance for the man in front of a bunch of wypipo flashing Mass Derp… er… Deportation Now signs was the pinnacle of you played yourself. Which is how I honestly feel about every brown and black person getting in line behind The Orange Troglodyte™.

Then Hulk Hogan reminded everyone why we were all on Team Andre The Giant.

On the other side of the aisle, meanwhile, we have the Democrats pulling their hair out over the debate, insisting that Walter… Biden (I can’t tell them apart) drop out of the race. What?

Every time I think the Democratic Party could not possibly be any fucking dumber, they prove me so very wrong. First off, they have to know that their whinging about the debate and Biden’s age is staying front and center in the news cycle precisely because they keep fucking blathering on and on and on about it. Even with that, if the party, et al would put this same kind of energy into supporting their candidate they might actually win this thing. But snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is the most on brand thing for the Democratic Party, so….

I know that when I said I was going to talk politics you were expecting some thoughtful, serious analysis, but I am honestly having a hard time taking this election and the United States seriously. I feel very much like I am watching a slow motion train wreck and it’s too late to stop it and save the assclowns in the assclown car stuck on the tracks, but instead of the assclowns being demolished they’re going to be smashed into an infinite number of more assclowns and we’ll all be fucked.

Ugh.