So There I Was

Sitting on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic

When the United States decided to lose its fucking mind.

Sure, dude is a rapist1 and a racist2 and generally a bad human3 and a terrible business man4 and he insults those of us who served5 and he’s a traitor6 and a coward7, but… well, at least he isn’t the black lady?

I know that was a bit of a run-on sentence, but we both know I could have kept going a lot longer than even that.

As I laid there numb talking with my wife – a twenty-six year Air Force retiree – also numb, trying to figure out how a country we love could so openly embrace – AGAIN – a man who hates any american he deems other.

As the day went past and the knot in my stomach subsided it was replaced with anger. I was violently angry in a way I had not anticipated. I was glad to be isolated from most of the world, heading west at a few nautical miles per hour. It kept me safe from my own demons. Aside from one incident that ended with a fan of the Orange Troglodyte™ skulking away dumbfounded and with his feelings a little hurt I was able to remain well behaved.

But I had this excess energy. Anxiety. Something. Someone smarter than I could ever hope to be articulated it best: I felt the way I did when the second plane hit the other tower. That nervous energy mixed with the overwhelming desire to hurt someone.

So I thought, what would Jesus do? and then I thought, well, whipping overly religious cunts and greedy fuckers8 would likely get me arrested so I had to come up with something else. Then I saw that gif…

I’d seen it a thousand times before and I always, always love it. This time it hit different. Since the election results a whole lotta dumbfucks thought saying things like your body, my choice was hilarious until women decided, nah.9 But I also saw an opportunity to use this very gif to teach proper punching technique. You see, it turns out a proper punch is just as effective against rape-y assclowns as it is against Nazis.

Of course, turning this gif into an educational how-to lead to Mark-y Z zucking my post and seemingly shadow banning me for a time. Ugh, zuck, no wonder we’re all heading to Bluesky.

Anyway, that’s when it hit me: I need to put this on a shirt. Can’t zuck a shirt!