{"id":188,"date":"2019-01-14T17:17:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-14T17:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/2019\/01\/14\/six-years\/"},"modified":"2025-10-08T20:32:24","modified_gmt":"2025-10-08T20:32:24","slug":"six-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/2019\/01\/14\/six-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Six Years"},"content":{"rendered":"

I might finally have enough internet to get back to this regularly.<\/p>\n

I have a lot of thoughts, but today I am fixated on the one thing: sobriety. Six years now.<\/p>\n

But any alcoholic will tell you that it isn’t one lump sum, it’s a string of single days, hours, moments, even seconds that just happen to coalesce into a single unit of measure.<\/p>\n

There was a moment a few months after day one when I walked onto a boat and was overcome with anxiety, salivating like a madman for a drink. My amazing wife stopped in the middle of this big ship and, knowing only that AA is something to do with a higher power, offered to pray with me if I needed it.<\/p>\n

The courage it took to fight for my sobriety with me in that moment without hesitation. That is some badass shit.<\/p>\n

I<\/strike> We made it through that moment.<\/p>\n

I was driving to Cleveland from Chicago via a stop in Indiana to replace a bandwagon I had busted up. The entire drive I was white knuckling it, cranking Jason Isbell to repeat the mantras that might keep me clean for the day<\/i>.<\/p>\n

When I got to Cleveland I wanted to get to a bar and get blackout drunk.<\/p>\n

My friends Todd and Keith were waiting upon our arrival.<\/p>\n

I’m a hugger. A good one I have been told. But when I hugged Todd I was less hugging and more holding on for dear life. He didn’t know then that he was holding me up when I wanted so very badly to collapse.<\/p>\n

My friend Katie K, my best friend Kris, my brother Anthony, have all held me up when I thought I might otherwise fall; they were strong for me when I couldn’t find the strength within myself.<\/p>\n

I’m forgetting more than I remember, but I feel it is not hyperbole to say that you have probably held me up once or twice.<\/p>\n

A stupid meme.<\/p>\n

A card.<\/p>\n

A Christmas ornament.<\/p>\n

Little things that remind me of the beauty I would miss if I ever picked up again.<\/p>\n

Don’t tell TGB, but, the best of all of that is when I wake up and she’s sleeping and I get to just look at her face. That fucking face. That’s when I thank god for one more day sober. One more day alive. One more day with this person.<\/p>\n

Have a day.<\/p>\n

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Copyright 2022 Rudy Martinez <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I might finally have enough internet to get back to this regularly. I have a lot of thoughts, but today I am fixated on the one thing: sobriety. Six years now. But any alcoholic will tell you that it isn’t one lump sum, it’s a string of single days, hours, moments, even seconds that just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oxygen_hide_in_design_set":false,"_oxygen_tags":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[121],"class_list":["post-188","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sobriety","tag-archive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=188"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":321,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188\/revisions\/321"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=188"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=188"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=188"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}