{"id":193,"date":"2018-06-08T13:18:00","date_gmt":"2018-06-08T13:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/2018\/06\/08\/thoughts-after-another-suicide\/"},"modified":"2025-10-08T20:33:33","modified_gmt":"2025-10-08T20:33:33","slug":"thoughts-after-another-suicide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/2018\/06\/08\/thoughts-after-another-suicide\/","title":{"rendered":"Thoughts after another suicide"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s a weird thing, suicide.<\/p>\n

It’s like you decide, okay, this is where my story ends. <\/i>And then the rest of the world you built gets to clean up the mess.

<\/i>There’s always a question of why and what could we have done to stop it. But that thought always seems to come after. <\/i>

<\/i>But what about now? Like, while I am alive. What can I do to stop you from thinking, I must be going now<\/i>?<\/p>\n

How do I make it clear to you that my life is richer simply by having you in it? And is that even enough?<\/p>\n

Is it enough to tell you that if I get that call tomorrow morning I will crumble into a million pieces?<\/p>\n

Do I need to scream at the top of my lungs that I not only love you but, I fucking need you?<\/p>\n

Because, I REALLY FUCKING NEED YOU!<\/p>\n

If I quote your favorite movies or songs or books, will you stay another day?<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

I’m not a doctor but, if I could I would heal all the broken bits inside of you. If I had to carry that burden for you, I would.<\/p>\n

I don’t want to wait til after you’re gone to wonder what I could have done to keep you here.<\/p>\n

I need to know now so I can hold onto your light for as long as possible.<\/p>\n

Because that is what you are, a light in my sometimes dark as fuck world. You have helped guide me, kept me smiling, made me laugh, made me simply glad to still be alive.<\/p>\n

I love you.<\/p>\n

Have a nice day.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n
Copyright 2022 Rudy Martinez <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s a weird thing, suicide. It’s like you decide, okay, this is where my story ends. And then the rest of the world you built gets to clean up the mess.There’s always a question of why and what could we have done to stop it. But that thought always seems to come after. But what about […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oxygen_hide_in_design_set":false,"_oxygen_tags":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[63],"tags":[121],"class_list":["post-193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-suicide","tag-archive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=193"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":326,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193\/revisions\/326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rudymartinez.wtf\/stuff-and-nonsense\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}